death wish.

you say

maybe

as much as i would like

to be kind

and smile

maybe is no answer

that i can accept

you need to know

this means everything

if it means nothing

and as long or short

as we may believe life to be

it is what it is

everyday

i stand here

day in

day out

and even when you push

i remain

you can ask me why

but i will do as i will do

i can only hope you feel

that i am real

because i know that i am

they can ask me

tell me

threaten me

with a loaded gun at my chest

to leave you behind

and forget

but the truth is

the slug would hurt

much

much

 less
...

book burning.

i would love to see you

live

not just breathe

but live

but history has put so much fear

inside of you

"doomed to repeat itself"

but did you ever notice

that those books

are full of hardship

and tragedy

and not much else

and thus

so is your mind

as if

nothing beautiful

has ever happened

as if

everything is

to be dreaded

and feared

that is not true

but it is easy

because that is what we are fed

as far back as we can remember

yes

the events may be true

and yes

they were intense

and at times

horrific

but

why follow the same suit

?

you are always afraid

and that saddens me

because

i love you

and i want to see you live

and i want to live

with you

not just for me

but for you

for us

please

burn the books

out of your mind.

you.

reality

security=myth

self respect=wish

we can try

we can make strides

but

as trite as it may seem

our inner peace

will take lifetimes

we cannot afford

happiness

is what we work for

at times it seems

ridiculously impossible

but that doesn't mean

we must live

in misery

our standards

are unreasonably high

you know it

why?

because

we want it all

yesterday

we have no patience

in fact

we have no couth

although

we all underestimate

our value

in so many ways

we are all worth more

than we think

but

you decide

your worth

you decide

what you are made of

you decide

what you should take

and

what you should

discard

deny

turn down

but don't get caught up

in the ideals

of your neighbors

or your peers

or anyone else

take that time

to decide who you are

and what you want

who you are

is all yours

embrace it

realize it

then

go

and

live your life

your way.

solitary games

are you lonely

or just alone?

loneliness is a feeling

an emotion

alone in a room

well

that seems simple enough

although...

we are never truly alone

despite the absence

of another

idle time

we see and think things

that are not real

scenarios we create

break us down

our imagination begins

twisting and turning

and our thoughts

become our reality

but they aren't true

they could never be

as much as we think we know

even what we see with our own eyes

becomes altered

misshapen

delusional

wrong

insecurity and guilt

play games with our lives

and we suffer

at our own hands

in our own minds

such a waste of time

these solitary games

we play.

Blue.

a friend mentions the blues

i think of sky

empty

lonely

clouds are nothing

but the images we make of them

we know

sort of like lies

hard to imagine 

that there is anything

up there

but still

we want to know

the unknown

sort of like lies

we seek the truth

even when we know

we will never find it

them

answers

still

we all look up 

into the blue skies

the same blue skies

we all see

every 

single 

day.

movement.

assumption

your idea of tolerance

how can you truly believe

you are alone

?

arrogance

apathy

the peace you will not find

not ever

because this culture

you've created

has you not only blinded

but bound

what you can't see

isn't real

doesn't exist

and still

the contradiction lies

right in front of you

surrounding you

the walls you've built

are not there

can't you see that

?

i can see them

because i too am guilty

i can relate to you

and because of that

i know

i am not alone

no matter how far i run

or hide

it follows

the connection

between you

and i
...

how love ends.

if you ask

i will tell

if you hug

i will hug back

if you turn away

believe me

i will live

it may not be
my choice

but it will be 

what it is

you cannot be bound

you will not

you should not

what we deserve

and what we get

will not make sense

not now

not ever

we will retire

with less than we need

because what we need

is what we want

so

tell me,

just how often

do you get
what you want

without fear

without wondering

without dwelling

on when it will end

on when you will

lose it

drop it

see it walk

away from you

...

suffer the living pt.1

it's hard

not to hurt

someone

somewhere

all throughout a life

i've tried

i failed

whether or not i meant to

means nothing

pain is pain

and with all apologies

we all know

forgiving and forgetting

are two very different things

as flawed as i am

as beaten and broken

as i've become
i know

i am not alone at all

and fairness means

things can't always be fair

not always

selfishness
and
 selflessness 

are two sides of a scale

that can

at times

even out

but not often enough

life is full

of very thin lines

so thin at times

that they seem
invisible

and we trip

and we fall

we cannot follow
these lines

no matter how hard
we try

yet so often

we expect

perfection

but i am afraid

that is a dream

a wish

a demand

that can never be
fulfilled

i am sorry
...

Turning.

all too often

all the same

greener grass grows

where heads never rest

wants and needs

twist and change color

seeing numbers

again

it seems so familiar

the patterns

turn and change shape

learn and keep learning

only one ear

can touch the ground

while the other waits it's turn

and the history fades

even faster than the

paper does

and the forgotten

is remembered

against the will

of even the most

seasoned veteran

hearts beat

and breaths are taken

and thus

minds continue

turning.

i survive.

still standing

somehow

risen

from a storm

of both ice and fire

i couldn't explain it

if i tried

still
i am alive

living in the shadow

of all that's been

of the solid brick wall

built to keep me

out

no sunlight

no sunlight for me

keeping me pale

keeping me sick

i can run for days

in shadows

no sunlight

i imagine

it's my own imagination

designing the levels

of my nightmares

cold and damp

always dark

but for some reason

i scale the walls

i keep running

hope

i smile for you

for this is not your fault

i would never bring you in

further than this

you deserve a smile

until you don't

i avoid mirrors

so i don't have to see

no sunlight

this is how

i survive
...