set me free. set me free? do i even know what that could mean? perspective could dictate that we are, in fact, free... or that we are simply rats in a cage. freedom, some will say, comes from within. from letting go of ego. i do agree to a point... but what drives us? we all admire someone, but do we wish to emulate to gain the self respect of reaching the levels we seeks so desperately? or do we strive to express ourselves as purely as possible to reach such heights? for myself, at least, it took many hard years of suffering, discipline and most of all, a strong resolve to best conquer what i believe to be the most mysterious & confusing emotion we can feel - envy. it can manifest itself in so many peculiar ways in our minds... deep down... causing us to naturally react consciously in ways in which we do not understand, or even want to feel. joy in the suffering of others... anger & frustration in their success. in every aspect of our lives, our level of security & self-respect can allow us to release the stranglehold of envy. in my own life, i've found love, anger, happiness, sadness... even hatred to be rather simple to not only resolve within myself & understand (at least enough to express them for what they are), but also to feel these emotions more purely. but envy... that's the tough one. the psychological nightmare. it can effect every emotion, change the simplest of gestures into a spiral of self-doubt, insecurity & rage that burns like blue flame inside & chills us to the bone, rendering us cold, bitter & jaded. simple jealously aside, i believe envy runs far deeper. i don't let myself fall to jealousy anymore, but rather try to understand where silent envy may be in any way an underlying factor in my life. as i continue to try to discover it, i learn to let it go. i try to think of my daily life & where envy comes into play in my own mind, try to control it, & then see myself unfold into the man i know i can be. the man i wish to be. the man i feel i am inside. i love to talk with friends about this very topic, see not only where they stand, but see how it effects them as well. there is so much more to discover about how to... well... not control, but live with our ever changing emotions & feelings. i welcome any discussion offered. you'll find my guard down, my mind open & honesty...
thanks for reading. - t
