Tuesday, September 20, 2016

impending latency.

trying to see past today
a bigger picture
see if a path exists
that will break
the cycles
all the jagged
as we fall through time
searching and hoping
for answers
for some kind of
letting the uncertainty
strip away our sanity
and beg us
to give in
and hide away
i'm not sure if i have
another try in me
makes me want to stay
so i may survive
so i may stay in touch
even just a little
if i withdraw again
i may just gray away
for good
i'm not sure
if that is what's best
for me
but it may not matter
at all
staying quiet
is difficult for me
unless i stay away
unless i disappear
i have nothing to say
that i haven't already said
and regretted
a thousand times
so perhaps
i should stop
repeating myself
and simply
let go
and be

Sunday, September 11, 2016

ascetic smile.

i no longer need
your compassion
your attention
it's been too long
and it's hurt too bad
and it's gotten too messy
and too ugly
and too unattainable
i don't need it
and i don't want it
i survived
i lived on hope
and dreams
for so long
that they finally broke
and i was already
i am just numb
i found a new way to live
a new way to suffer
i found simplicity
this pain is new
and refreshing
and it may just keep me
away from all of those
and reminders
all of those things
that killed me
so many times
but somehow
i am here
i learn to live
with myself
and although it gets
it doesn't hurt
quite as bad

Thursday, March 31, 2016


we leave everything behind
gravity flattens our feet
and pulls our hearts down
we break our backs
picking up the pieces
over and over
we fail to see
that things break
and will remain broken
no matter what we do
i’ve learned
that perhaps
i am not defined
by my triumphs
but rather my losses
because of them
i can find some enjoyment
some clarity
some shelter
and some realization
that life
is about the struggle
and the suffering
and that there is solace
in knowing
that sometimes
it’s supposed to hurt