Saturday, December 15, 2012

damn tonight, damn this whole year.

i don't care who knows
and i don't care what anyone thinks
except a few
i've been to the edge
in fact...
i've fallen over
and been hanging
by breaking fingernails
only to either
crawl my way back onto the ledge
or be pulled back up
by someone i love
i don't want
or need
or even your empathy
i'm just saying
i've been there
turning 41 soon
started promising careers
that didn't work out
two marriages
one in young
crazy days
but there was love
one a bit later
and man...
did i love that gal...
but so what?
they are over now
and gone.
no more grandparents
no father
my mother
i love her
but she is struggling
a lot like i am
no one but a few
friends that are
as much my family
as anyone could be
like you
and you
i've made mistakes
and i do have regrets
but this is not the point...
when life is at it's peak
up or down
good or bad
we tend to live in the moment
as... i feel
it should be
but what do i know?
i'm just another
another broken down,
but still living, man
like so many of you
but i am not afraid
to let you know
to tell you more
than just the good
or cool things
i've done and seen
i've spent more time
on the floor
than i ever did standing
and it doesn't matter
because all attempts to reach out
are painful
because everyone has a life
with all it's failures
and troubles
i know this sounds
and feeble
but i don't care
it's how i feel

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

dodging bullets.

when we look
when we try to see
our lives
the ups
the downs
the in-betweens
the ruts
and those times
when we turn around
and the year has passed
it's all just an illusion
it's not real
you've seen it
the 40 year old man
or woman
who doesn't look it
then the 35 year old
who looks 50
but who's to say
what any age should "look" like?
cliches exist because we keep them alive
they are abstract
they can be applied
to so many situations
and seem so profound
that's why they are cliches
because they have lasted
through generations
of successes
and failures
but they are just words
nothing more
nothing more
crossroad after crossroad
we make choices
at times,
we don't even know it
but we do
wishing for death
to come during your sleep tonight
is a survival tactic
to make you feel better
until tomorrow
to most of us
life is a fight
and we keep losing
and losing
but we live
and it seems
that the stronger our desire
to expire
the longer we are destined
to live on
funny, isn't it?
and then
we turn corners
we see a light
a way
an answer
to something
and time churns on
this roller coaster
will not stop
no matter what
while you and i breathe
and as easy as death can be
you and i
are alive
dodging bullets
of so many kinds
of course
it's not easy
not by any means
but we are here
what do we do now?