Saturday, March 28, 2015

wet blankets.

unfulfilled and incomplete
it's not the same
because everything changes
and nothing matters
except when we believe it does
and even then
it's never as it seems
and more is forgotten
than we can try to remember
or yesterday
it's an illusion
it seems so real
because we've gotten
used to it
but it still hurts
and we can't figure it out
we never will
because it's not real
chemical reactions
and emotional triggers
destroying us
all in the same
in a blink
of our eyes
but we're blind
and suffocating
we think too much
it's time to admit
and realize
that we aren't
what we think
we are
we simply are
what we are
we don't have to like
the same things
we don't have to believe
the same things
we don't have to look
the same
but we are
we are all the same
chasing down an idea
of happiness
that can never be defined
who's to say
that dreams
aren't a real part
of our lives

Sunday, February 8, 2015

train wreck.

you're looking at me
and i'm wondering
what you're seeing
the way you break your eyes
the way you speak
makes me think
that you know things
things that i haven't
and will never
have to explain
like you can see
where i've been
and what i've done
and in your eyes
i can see
and a sense of
that your escape
is only moments away
and even though
you want to see me
feel me
know me
understand me
if only for a moment in time
your eyes blink
and you realize
that it would be
and overwhelming
and that it may not
wash off so easily
and that sometimes
it's best to leave
the beast in his cage
and simply
move on

Thursday, December 25, 2014


knives in my brain
when i'm alone
another crease
in my aging face
it's not all bad
because it gets better
never all the way
but it gets better
pain and guilt
and regret
and frustration
move me
the only thing i know
is that i'll either be
or i won't
how i take my
heres and nows
is all mine
and as it is
as i am so flawed
i don't always make
the best choices
i don't always take
the best road
but i do take
my own way
up or down
and i grow
and i learn
and i live
i survive
and i will continue
to do so
until the road ends
and there are no more
no more moves
no more chances
and no more breaths
to take

Sunday, September 14, 2014

arm's length.

i can feel you nearing
the electric tingle
in my center
and the rising of the hairs
on my arms and neck
self conscious stirring
and twice as upset
because i know
i shouldn't feel this way
smile only with my lips
don't say a word
try not to stare
i can apologize later
i've seen us together
laughing and tripping
over each other
i've felt your acceptance
of all that i am
but only in a dream
and it's so juvenile to me
i feel like a teenager
like it's the very first time
and it isn't even real
and i'm fairly certain
that it never could be
this is why i keep you
at a distance
it won't be you
it will be me
i can never hurt you
if you never even know
i was here

Sunday, July 6, 2014


sitting in the dark
feeling like a child
wishing for tears
to wash away
some of the pain
from anger
to shame
it's never easy
and it's my fault
my escape
was to become my fear
backed into corners
we survive
even if it makes life
hit and pitched
now ugly
and unwanted
once touched
now broken forever
and some choices
are too hard to make
bruised blue
and cold
they saw great things for me
i made them eat their words
i never saw any future
i never saw a place
i never found a home
i found suffering
i found loneliness
and all the hate i felt
i felt towards myself
how could you love me
when i've never loved me
it makes sense
i crawled into it
the only place
i've ever known
i remain

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

ad hoc.

forever is
just a concept
an idea
the only things
that seem to last
are involuntary
clocks and calendars
are ornamental
because some minutes
feel longer than others
and time will end
for us
when there is no breath left
and as final as it seems
as dismal
and sad
it is what it is
the only fact
it doesn't matter
what we think tomorrow is
we are wrong
and as a thousand yesterdays
are forgotten
there is only one

Friday, May 23, 2014


cracked windshields
and blood stained t-shirts
manufactured landscapes
with fake man-made
we have a number
and a story
before we're old enough
to even read them
we're breathing poison
inhaling it
eating it
drinking it
seeing it
and hearing it
innocence has never
been an option
for any of us
papers with numbers
and deadlines
reminding us
that we'll never be free
and as our skin wrinkles
and our dreams fade
nothing will ever have
that new smell again
statements and forms
with official stamps
from the beginning
to the end
our birth
and death certificates
will bookend our lives
after working all day
on my feet in worn out shoes
i realized that i have developed
a slight limp
as i walk into the house
perhaps i never noticed
because in my head
i've had that limp
for years