Thursday, April 3, 2014

burned in.

all the hand downs
have been handed down
it was once a big house
built by someone
owned by someone else
it was once a beautiful house
to someone
now it's a slum
your story is nothing new
your pain is nothing new
your memories are now stained
by the trauma they caused
you didn't live
you survived
and now
it's all over your face
it's in your eyes
it's in your voice
it's in your love
and in your hate
you are one of many
with details that don't mean
anything
to anyone
but you
sometimes it just feels good
to get it out though
doesn't it
but then again
you wish you didn't say
anything
all the shame
all the regret
all the blame
that you wish would just
go away
and be forgotten
is now on your mind
even more
failed therapy
and you can feel
the minutes
and the days
falling off of you
as you sit in your dwelling
dwelling
it's been years
so many years
but no
it is tonight
...

Monday, March 31, 2014

employee.

in my mind
my pockets are
turned out
i pawned my dreams
for rent
and electric bills
i have no more
good ideas
no more free wind
through my hair
no more trips
to distant lands
i wouldn't know
where to go
if i could
anymore
just name tags
and ugly black
leather shoes
fake smiling faces
smiling back at me
and i've conned myself
into caring
for so long
that perhaps
now
i actually do
small paychecks
and
big headaches
the luxury of sleep
that i can afford
i don't
and i haven't
for a long
long time
spending my last
few dollars
on poison
so many poisons
it makes no
difference
they're all toxic
it's all toxic
and i'll only know
how fast it's been
killing me
at the end
and i'll wish
i had done it
differently
only
it will be
too late
...

Monday, March 17, 2014

perceive.

it can be hard
to believe
things
things we hear
things we feel
things we see
we wonder
if we can
understand
if it is true
we want to believe
words
people
ourselves
and whether it
matters
or it doesn't
sometimes
we want it to
so we believe
to keep us calm
to keep us in touch
to give us something
to hold onto
i do believe
that we are all
very deeply
connected
but still
i question
do you hear
what i hear
do you feel
what i feel
do you see
what i see?
...

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

pitchfork.

the demons are
dancing
and laughing
at me
they taunt me
endlessly
singing me
the saddest songs
and whispering lies
in my ears
until they bleed
with smirks
on their faces
secrets and curses
making me doubt
who i am
asking me if
the life i've led
will bring me
the death
i deserve
they never tire
feeding on
my screams
and tears
constantly reminding me
that i am their king
that i created them this way
and that they
will only die
when i do
they look just like me
they sound just like me
they suffer
just like me
their torment
is almost
beautiful
there is a pitchfork
beside my bed
they are waiting
...



Monday, February 17, 2014

head case.

anxiety
a lead weight
in my belly
a sharp chill
down my spine
what was it
that i said
or did
that went against
my nature
and is now
echoing
in my head?
shame and regret
all of the wasted
minutes
hours
days
it's just a feeling
i tell myself
to let it go
try not to care
i can't
it's not me
that's not who i am
i want to know
though it does not
matter
causes and effects
there is always
a reason
but i can't figure it out today
and as night falls
it's worse
because i'm tired
and this poison
is still inside me
and i can't give up
no matter
how hard
i try
...

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

pre-mortem.

as thoughts
become actions
they can also become
dangerous
sometimes
it's not what we do
it's what we don't
that haunts us
needles and smoke
knives and bullets
even love
keep your eyes
open
be careful when you blink
right now
we are all here
and some things
require a second
thought
we all know
that the truth
can hurt
and as tragedy
seems less shocking
and we are more surprised
by a smile
we need to keep on
smiling
we need to set
the tone
we need to keep it
together
we can not let
the story of our lives
become
the story of
our death
...

Thursday, January 16, 2014

self defeat.

this broken
humanity
is cold and hard
like concrete
the bricks fall
like rain
crushing the love
out of me
wounds on wounds
as my body
fights back
begging for it
to stop
just makes it
worse
your smile
hits me like
a hammer
it's never
enough
you'll tell me
that i
deserved it
just as they
told you
it's not fair
it's never
fair
everything breaks
like shattering glass
as i grow
weaker
i gave you this
i cast the stones
it was me
...