Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Zen point pt.1

as random as life is
and as selective as our memory
has become
how can anyone say
or even think
that they know what may or may not happen
tomorrow?
we live and think on patterns
and Pavlovian triggers
this is why
we are so often
so frustrated
and confused
even shocked at times
at just how a "normal" day's events
turn out
sure...
we will "guess" correctly
sometimes
and we get the entitlement
of being able to say
"i knew it!"
or
"toldja..."
but in reality
even living in the present
and trying to understand
is challenging enough
to speak is if we know
is
at times
the only way to remain
in what little control
we may actually have
to have some confidence
that all we have seen
and done
has taught us something
given us at least
a little wisdom
earned us a little respect
although it truly
doesn't matter at all
sometimes
it helps us relate
that is important
to connect with others
helps when we can
share experiences
as hazy as they may be
the feelings
help us identify
with one another
our perception may
replace our reality
most of the time
but we remember feelings
we can identify with feelings
we can communicate with feelings
because they simply inhabit us
no thought needed
no re-creation of scenarios
no predictions
trying to live in the now
is the first step
this is where
Zen philosophy
strikes me the deepest...

Monday, May 21, 2012

wires.

our huge small world
filled with things
we cannot understand
gears and mechanisms
cluttered messes of circuitry
it's in our lives
in every way
creating even the slightest
of what seem to be simple thoughts
simple processes
wires connected to other wires
it is only unique
in itself
in it's mere existence
it's creation...
life?
but did we ask for this?
to never be sure
about anything
ever
?
while current silently
pushes and pulls
receives and outputs
useless and useful
information
without cease
transforming
constantly
and consistently
needing no control
or surveillance
it grows on it's own
and repairs on it's own
survival.
doesn't always work out for us though
does it?
something broken
and not working
often replaced by
something else
also broken
but in motion
feeding it's data
into our "network"
regardless of it's use
or need
or want
this all applies
it is why you sit
or stand
where you are this very moment
and in which direction
your eyes will guide you
next
these processes aren't
answers to anything
they are simply
actions
and
reactions
zeros and ones
over and over
random and endless
no control
it's in your head
it's all
in
your
head
.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

unnumbered episode

pressure
weight
hurts even worse
when you have no idea
where it's coming from
under ice
in a house on fire
in a crowd under seige
or in your own mind
one thought
one word
relief
from where
how
the answer
never seems
to reveal itself
when you want it to
most
and all the colors
and visions
faces
everything
seems to pour down
these imaginary walls
in this room of thought
and tension
and it feels like
it will never end
overcome
with confusion
frustration
lonliness
boredom
hopelessness
uselessness
lost
in whatever it is
that it is
that we cannot figure out
yet it burns
and itches
and steals
our lives away
for whatever amount
of actual time it takes
it's atmosphere
lingers
it is haunting
it is torture
it's mystique
the unknown origin
the blankness
is overwhelming
over and over again
the fear of it's frequency
puts us in a stasis
that we cannot explain
yet we all feel it
we all feel it
we don't want it
but we get it
it happens
and it sticks
the escape seems
so unlikely
and then
at once
something happens
the clouds seem to clear
sometimes sooner
sometimes later
we try to forget
but we all know
it'll be back someday
sometime
how could anyone ever know
how this feels
but we all do
we all do
...


Thursday, May 17, 2012

elemental mentality.

everything falls apart
chips away
crumbles
sometimes
it appears to happen
right before our eyes
or at least it feels
and looks that way
elemental damage
is causing me mental damage
tonight
i'm seeing things
break down
wither away
decay
i don't like it
but
when has that ever mattered
?
erosion is inevitable...
i guess
when we feel good
we simply aren't thinking about that
now that-
i like
bliss
without feeling
blissful
being in "la-la land"
without even knowing it
wonderful
beautiful
euphoria
then
as soon as the thought
that the feeling might stop
sometime
anytime
at some point
be it
sooner
or
later
there it goes...
the door is kicked in
and we're back
to emptying fuel tanks
fossilized insect wings
browning leaves
and greying
thinning hair
as if gravity
just landed a solid blow
to the solar plexus
we lose our wind
our sails drop
and it's then
as my head drops
and my chin
reaches my chest
and my
slightly moistening eyes
slowly close
i beg a question:
how can we decide
?
what could provide us
with the faith enough
to feel some sort of validation
that anything could even be:
real
?
an answer that isn't just
an opinion
that lets us know
that there truly is
either more
or less
significance
in what we believe
in what we feel
is beauty
or ugliness,
reality
or dreams,
good
or bad,
right
or
wrong
***



Tuesday, May 8, 2012

kickingscreaminghuggingkissing

we believe
that we are so different
from each other
forming opinions
making assumptions
based on superficial
specs of time
so different
we claim that we can't even
understand each other
it is that very track of thought
that blinds us
from the most obvious traits
that make us the same
when we fight,
scream and yell
and break things
that is our spirit
our "soul"
working to vent
the anger and hated out
and when we swoon
and kiss
beg and plead for forgiveness
and understanding
when we get on our knees
smile and profess how much we care
that is our spirit and soul
working to keep love in
and protect it
so
from the most passive
to the most agressive
we're all doing the same things
for the same reasons
albiet - in different ways
but it makes us the same
more so than we think
and that is just the beginning
of how connected
we truly are.

Friday, May 4, 2012

heart.

if you should collapse
who would carry you out
to fresh air
take care of you
?
i have faith
that you would
save my life
not because
you know
i would do it for you
not because
i am me
because i am
no one special
here or anywhere
in this world
but because of who
i have faith that you are
and if i were
if i am
wrong
anger is not the first
emotion i would feel
it would be
bitter disappointment
in who i though you were
or should be
you should save that life
because of who you are
because of the man or woman
you can be
it's about you
no one else
you
are
strength
you
are
human
you are
integrity
dignity
but
you must decide
if that is you
i made these choices
over 25 years ago
they have become
who i am
civility
may mean something else
to you
but
it all boils down
to trying to do
what you feel
is right
inside
...