Saturday, December 15, 2012

damn tonight, damn this whole year.

i don't care who knows
and i don't care what anyone thinks
except a few
i've been to the edge
in fact...
i've fallen over
and been hanging
by breaking fingernails
only to either
crawl my way back onto the ledge
or be pulled back up
by someone i love
i don't want
or need
or even your empathy
i'm just saying
i've been there
turning 41 soon
started promising careers
that didn't work out
two marriages
one in young
crazy days
but there was love
one a bit later
and man...
did i love that gal...
but so what?
they are over now
and gone.
no more grandparents
no father
my mother
i love her
but she is struggling
a lot like i am
no one but a few
friends that are
as much my family
as anyone could be
like you
and you
i've made mistakes
and i do have regrets
but this is not the point...
when life is at it's peak
up or down
good or bad
we tend to live in the moment
as... i feel
it should be
but what do i know?
i'm just another
another broken down,
but still living, man
like so many of you
but i am not afraid
to let you know
to tell you more
than just the good
or cool things
i've done and seen
i've spent more time
on the floor
than i ever did standing
and it doesn't matter
because all attempts to reach out
are painful
because everyone has a life
with all it's failures
and troubles
i know this sounds
and feeble
but i don't care
it's how i feel

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

dodging bullets.

when we look
when we try to see
our lives
the ups
the downs
the in-betweens
the ruts
and those times
when we turn around
and the year has passed
it's all just an illusion
it's not real
you've seen it
the 40 year old man
or woman
who doesn't look it
then the 35 year old
who looks 50
but who's to say
what any age should "look" like?
cliches exist because we keep them alive
they are abstract
they can be applied
to so many situations
and seem so profound
that's why they are cliches
because they have lasted
through generations
of successes
and failures
but they are just words
nothing more
nothing more
crossroad after crossroad
we make choices
at times,
we don't even know it
but we do
wishing for death
to come during your sleep tonight
is a survival tactic
to make you feel better
until tomorrow
to most of us
life is a fight
and we keep losing
and losing
but we live
and it seems
that the stronger our desire
to expire
the longer we are destined
to live on
funny, isn't it?
and then
we turn corners
we see a light
a way
an answer
to something
and time churns on
this roller coaster
will not stop
no matter what
while you and i breathe
and as easy as death can be
you and i
are alive
dodging bullets
of so many kinds
of course
it's not easy
not by any means
but we are here
what do we do now?

Sunday, November 4, 2012


we take things
and we break them apart
and then
we make them into
something else
easier to be a king
among many castles
than to strive to be
the one and only
and i get it
we are split
into genres
and then
it's easier
to break off
into your own
make the rules
tailor them to fit
your wants
your desires
to suit yourself
to make everything
and i get it
each time
a new culture
a new sub-culture
is born
it is exactly that
like a child
we wonder why
we have to fight
on so many levels
to do anything
this is why
every day
kings fight kings
and subjects fight subjects
and still
everyone wants to be
but that can never happen
because we took
and torn it into
countless sets
such as man
such as the lazy
yet insecure
wanting it all
and not willing
to earn even a sliver of it
practice some mind control
gain a few followers
and feel like a ruler
it's quite the boost
an ego needs
for a man
to call himself
and i do get it
life is short
and we all want to make our mark
i'm afraid
so few will be remembered
if even thought of at all
even the bee that stings
is forgotten
i'll stand back
and watch
i want no part
i will do
what i will do
being remembered
or even liked
by masses
is something
i will never dream of
pure expression
that is my only truth
and the love of those
i love
is all that matters
if i can achieve that
then i am king
in my own life
and no one has to know
or care
because that
is not the point
i will not be
a splinter

Monday, October 29, 2012

chalk outlines.

when you open you eyes
and colors and images take shape
how real is it?
we speak of
"peripheral" vision
but that's all it is
mere interpretations
created both
and subconsciously
through each "sense"
we possess...
i can't help but think
that we may as well
just be watching 
a "life-size" television...
smelling scented candles...
as our minds reach and search
for any similarity they can find
so we can better understand
our immediate surroundings
and attempt to make sense
of anything we can...
and life becomes
nothing more
then a simple story
that we continuously create
in our own minds
with all of our own unique
is anything...
or is it all just
our own
manufactured reality?
looking around,
all i see
even feel...
seem more and more
like simple
chalk outlines.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


we speak
when there is nothing to say
should language be
so free?
we create our own dialects
and fold words like paper
just to keep our mouths running
just to keep out tongues loose
how frustrating it can be
so much so
that speaking
isn't nearly enough
at times
we must even act out
the roots of our personalities...
to show you
to tell you
how i feel
what i want
my desire to know
what you see
what you want
how you feel
no matter how overwhelming
it gets
we keep on
trying to distinguish
every moment
we don't want to be
we don't want to feel
even when we wish
to be left alone
we search for release
we use every channel
that our bodies will allow
with our eyes
our tongues
even our fists at times...
my favorite,
is love.
although it hurts the most
and cuts deeper than any knife
ever could
i'll take the payoff
any and every time.
yes, i want your attention
yes, i want your affection
and yes, i will bare my soul
to get the purest embrace
this does not frighten me
to give this to you
because the kiss i crave from you
is the sweetest
when i know
that it's as real
as it can be
your skin against mine
is warmest
when i know
it's as true
as i can make it.
so i will use
this language of mine
this language all my own
and if i should be so free
then i will,
of it's price,
it's cost,
it's toll,
very simply,
and i
are worth it.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

the dance.

twisting and turning
we try
to perform
a dance
with our
wrenching and squirming
without a
there is no
even happiness
can grow stale
even happiness
can become
we feel elation
while we rise
we must first
and again
fall to pieces
it's not just
it's far more
it's so deep inside
that it seems
balance is impossible
when you are trying
to achieve it
but it is the way
of our lives
the scales tip
from side to side
like we step
from our left foot
to our right
and denial
is futile
but we do it
all throughout
each story
each emotion
each episode
we want to
we seek answers
yet we cannot even speak
the questions
because there are none
we want movement
yet we are always moving
and it's always
either too fast
or too slow
to attempt to steady one's self
takes so much time
and concentration
and then
just as the page seems to turn
the room spins again
the ground beneath us
and we are off camber
it helps
to realize
that this will always be
but it doesn't really solve
does it?
we are constantly moving 
we have no choice
it's not just the world
that won't wait
it's our own lives
try not to think...
you cannot
we're in a current
in which we can fight
or ride with
from day to day
moment to moment
it's all ups
and downs
and in-betweens
and there is nothing
you or i can do
to stop it
even the strongest
has very limited control
and it can make us feel
like nothing more
than mere vessels
leaves in the breeze
that is all
we are

Thursday, October 18, 2012

don't even.

may as well
be facts
to you.
you believe,
so it's your
we speak so easily...
too easily...
and we use tone
and body language
and volume
as if that is
proof that what we say
is real.
searching for validation.
the more people who relate,
the more true the words are,
of course
that is nowhere near
it still means nothing.
it still does not matter.
it's still bullshit.
just another ploy
to rise above where we stand.
it really doesn't work,
but we do it anyway.
i'm sick
i'm tired
of hearing your
just speak to me
give me a little
and then
only then
will i really listen
and respect you
and your words.
keep trying
to go over my head
and i will simply duck
because the truth
is a feeling,
a trust,
not a handful
of empty
words and 
keep them.
save that breath
for breathing
it's hot enough here

Sunday, October 7, 2012

ashes ashes.

pushing and pulling
never still
the walls are caving in
collapsing around you and i
leaving us exposed
to all that is
to be seen
we are prey
waiting to be
ripped apart
and left as remains
no more breath
no more flowing of blood
except into the porous medium
below where we once stood
this world is tearing us apart
we fight
we try to hide
we do whatever we can
to stay alive
so far
though beaten
and broken
tomorrow came today
even when we knew
it would not
we were wrong
and i find myself singing
we all fall

Friday, September 28, 2012


they say in life:
it's "easy come & easy go"
and that
"good things come to those who wait"
but then they say
"gotta hold onto what you have"
"if you want something in life,
you have to seize the day"

"they" always seem to have an answer,
don't they?
an opinion on just how i should
live my life
learning lessons from a book of cliches
learning life from a "hand me down" phrase

but that's not the way for me

"time flies when you're having fun"
"good things never last" (never last! - ode to Insted)
although they may seem true at times
remember that a "line" is just a "line"
not a formula or philosophy
or a blueprint for you to follow.

live life your way
live today
not how other people say.

(lyrics i wrote when i was lucky enough to be writing, recording & playing
with Where Fear And Weapons Meet - this was always the song i
was most proud of "lyrically" on the Unstoppable cd we released on
Triple Crown Records in around 2001)

Thursday, September 27, 2012

reasons and excuses.

the pressure was too much
because you decided it was
but was it?
as i saw you struggle through
i watched you
i was there
for some...
giving up
and making excuses
is easy
for others
it isn't
the outcome is yours alone
the results are on you
reasons are one thing
they make sense
but excuses...
excuses are begging
for validity
lack of confidence
low self esteem
downright getting yourself involved
in something you couldn't handle
are much more easily
things go wrong sometimes
reasons make more sense
can't you tell
when you are using
excuses or reasons?
i can.
it's crystal clear to me
and what is said
is usually not
what gives it away
it's how it's said.
and i can tell the difference.
most of us can.
and it's always
one or the other
a reason
or an excuse
to escape
to be forgiven
to boost your bruised ego
you know the truth
you know the truth
and day after day
it may go unsaid
but you know
and you know that i know
my acceptance...
shouldn't mean shit to you
my respect...
now that's another story
i want yours
i would hope you'd want mine
i'm not saying
that you should watch what you say
or in any way
not be yourself
i accept you for you
i respect you as a man
as a woman
as a person
and i don't get mad easily
quite a bit more often
because i like to think
more of you than you think
at times
more of you
than you even do.
i can't tell you what to say
how to act
how to feel
it's not my place
and i wouldn't dare
i just hope
and i really mean it...
i hope
you'll make the right decisions
you already know what they are...
what's it gonna be