Wednesday, June 27, 2012

pulled muscle.

"did someone hurt you?"
of course...
to ask that of anyone
is most often
an attempt
to figure out why
they are acting as they do
to find reason
to somehow
the obvious
they so often display
the heart
is a muscle
and at some point
it will hold too much weight
get ripped
and burn
like any other muscle
but to ask why
will never provide
the answers you seek
we get broken
we experience failure
it all gives in
but it's no excuse
we will try
to avoid it
to prevent it
just as we keep our fingers
away from flames
because it hurts
because it hurts so badly
that we cannot forget
or forgive
and then
of our own doing
the pain lingers on
and we regress
we cut off
and shut down
and out
but that never really works
does it?
so now
the blinders are on
and the mask is firmly in place
and we are not ourselves
from these points on
until we aren't even sure
who we are
or what we truly want
can't live like that
i can't
i won't
what i will do
is ask:
"did someone love you?"

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

well hello again.

yes, you
i can see you
i can feel you
you are always here
no matter
where we stand
no matter
where we lay our heads down
you may have doubts
but you know the truth
you know who i am
and how i feel
that has never changed
you know it
you believe
i know you do
and you know
so much
so much more
than you want to think about
you know that i meant
every word
you know that i would always
be there
and that i would stay close
for as long as i breathe
and not because
of a promise
or because it is right
but for the simple reason
that i would want to
if we were truly free
i wonder...
if all the doors
blew off
and all the walls
and there was nothing left
in the way
what would happen?
i can only speak for myself
and i will do just that
because i always want you to know
and you know that
and if it's worth anything at all
this warms my heart
to think of
to feel this way
even tonight
even without knowing
where your mind
or heart
truly is
thank you

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

burning and learning.

if i could know
just where you come from
would it help me see
where you're going?
and here
face to face
i can feel the judgement in your eyes
as if you know
where i am from
or better
where i am
peering through these windows
i can't help but see
for no reason
as i have nothing
of any use to you
yet i see you burning
before me
forgive me
for this comes as no surprise
nor is it difficult
to recognize
wouldn't mind learning
we ended up
in this space
with this tension
warping and twisting
the air around us
like alchemists
shaping and creating
myth and lore
as i am truthful
i must say
i have no judgement
nor contempt
ripping and slicing
through this thick air
i feel nothing
and as i watch you
this boiling point
i find it plainly
and although
i may not actually be
learning anything
doesn't matter
because it is not me
who is appearing
to be attempting
to make a point
and as you grow
more and more red
i will
very simply

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

suffer the living pt.2

this feeling is
consuming me
these thoughts are
overwhelming me
i'm going through it
another episode
even if i wore armor
it wouldn't be enough
as if it's inhaled
and there is
no escape
reading to find remedies
or writing out for therapy
it must run it's course
i fall
just as we all do
and i don't want to face it
any more than you do
self doubt
and confusion
and illusion
nothing's happening
but still
it's engulfing
the harder i fight
the more it burns
so i let go
no matter how i choose
to approach it
it pains me
did nothing to deserve it
did nothing to provoke it
or so i thought
but that never made
 any difference
and it never will
it isn't good
or bad
it's both
and it's neither
at the same time
no action
no reaction
just the current
of time and thought
and the way things go
throughout time
can only get used to so much
but it mutates to survive
and have it's effect
if there is a reason
it's unknown
at least to me
all i can do
is recognize it's presence
and deal with it
how i choose
and although
this time
i have chosen
not to put up a fight
it still finds it's way
to seep into me
knowing the futility
of fighting this infection
changes very little
i am forced
to ride out the storm
and if it should
if something should
take my breath
that may be the only way
not to see
and feel it through
until it isn't anymore
this fact is faced
so suffer i will
with nothing more
than the solace of knowing
that sooner or later
this too
shall pass

Friday, June 8, 2012

talk talk talk

rich man, poor man
blue or white
it's all just talk
we all talk
from the fronts
and the sides
of our mouths
and behind backs
out of our mouths
and into the ears
of the right
and the wrong
with no points
that can be truly
it's all just talk
it isn't real
until we hear it
but no...
even then
it isn't real
opinions and criticisms
were we trying to help
or hurt?
the real question is:
does it ever matter
the fall or the rise
the lift or the drop
you and i
will feel it
over and over again
and sometimes
we take it to heart
but it's all just talk
and it will never stop
so get used to it
get used to it
until it becomes
what it really is...
nothing at all.

Friday, June 1, 2012

show it.

i can see
why you are afraid
to do your best
i can understand
the question
the doubt
but the answer
"what if my best
isn't good enough"
does not matter
it never mattered
it will never matter
to anyone
but you
could ever answer
that question
who's judgement
could ever mean
that much
do what you do
and do it purely
and freely
do it with
do it for
without regret
without thinking
and dwelling
on your critics
or on other's
the struggle
to express ourselves
must go on
as long as the fire
remains inside
i wanna see
what you've really got
don't you