Friday, September 28, 2012


they say in life:
it's "easy come & easy go"
and that
"good things come to those who wait"
but then they say
"gotta hold onto what you have"
"if you want something in life,
you have to seize the day"

"they" always seem to have an answer,
don't they?
an opinion on just how i should
live my life
learning lessons from a book of cliches
learning life from a "hand me down" phrase

but that's not the way for me

"time flies when you're having fun"
"good things never last" (never last! - ode to Insted)
although they may seem true at times
remember that a "line" is just a "line"
not a formula or philosophy
or a blueprint for you to follow.

live life your way
live today
not how other people say.

(lyrics i wrote when i was lucky enough to be writing, recording & playing
with Where Fear And Weapons Meet - this was always the song i
was most proud of "lyrically" on the Unstoppable cd we released on
Triple Crown Records in around 2001)

Thursday, September 27, 2012

reasons and excuses.

the pressure was too much
because you decided it was
but was it?
as i saw you struggle through
i watched you
i was there
for some...
giving up
and making excuses
is easy
for others
it isn't
the outcome is yours alone
the results are on you
reasons are one thing
they make sense
but excuses...
excuses are begging
for validity
lack of confidence
low self esteem
downright getting yourself involved
in something you couldn't handle
are much more easily
things go wrong sometimes
reasons make more sense
can't you tell
when you are using
excuses or reasons?
i can.
it's crystal clear to me
and what is said
is usually not
what gives it away
it's how it's said.
and i can tell the difference.
most of us can.
and it's always
one or the other
a reason
or an excuse
to escape
to be forgiven
to boost your bruised ego
you know the truth
you know the truth
and day after day
it may go unsaid
but you know
and you know that i know
my acceptance...
shouldn't mean shit to you
my respect...
now that's another story
i want yours
i would hope you'd want mine
i'm not saying
that you should watch what you say
or in any way
not be yourself
i accept you for you
i respect you as a man
as a woman
as a person
and i don't get mad easily
quite a bit more often
because i like to think
more of you than you think
at times
more of you
than you even do.
i can't tell you what to say
how to act
how to feel
it's not my place
and i wouldn't dare
i just hope
and i really mean it...
i hope
you'll make the right decisions
you already know what they are...
what's it gonna be

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

the low end.

when our dreams appear
and it's not just our backs
but our fronts
against the wall
as well
it is so easy
to lose hope
to give in
when all our trying
is thrown back at us
with the most extreme
what goes through our minds?
it's over...
we know it isn't...
but we can't help ourselves
we are hurting
we are in pain
we are tired
we don't know what to do next
and all we can think about
is how we feel right now
and we don't want to hear
about tomorrow
our faith falls into
and we find ourselves
in the low end.
cold streets
and dark, damp
eerie lighting
seem to follow us
everywhere we go
we close our eyes
perhaps drift into a dream
and it's still there
all of us
we question:
"i don't want this"
"i don't like this"
"i can't stand this
for another moment"
but then another moment passes
and we are still here
is it really that cosmic?
and all the sense that can be made
still makes none
we're not even falling at this point
we're just hanging
in the low end
of our minds
of our lives
and it feels like
we are wrapped
from head to toe
in this old, but strong rope
and we can't move
and each decision
seems like our very last
and pointless, at that...
where do we go
and what do we do?
like you,
i haven't a clue...
the only thing i do know
is that i have felt this before
and that it changes
it changes
we try to look back
and we almost have to laugh
at the state we were in
its like cutting your hair off
then after a few days
you can't really imagine it
the way it was...
we have to go through it
because we do
as ridiculous as it seems
isn't it strange
how we survive?
not all of us do
but you
reading this
have indeed continued
to survive
through so many times
of not wanting to
we're still here
one simple point:
you are never alone
even when you are
and helplessly
the low end

Saturday, September 22, 2012

breaking boxes.

as long as you have
keep fighting
not with your fists
with your spirit
with your soul
is more liberating
more venting
than any punch
you could ever land
i gave up trying
to be like you
many years ago
more importantly
i gave up on trying
to make you be like me
as well.
i care
i respect
i love you
as you are
as you truly are
some will never show
who they truly are
and that
is sad
not pathetic
but sad because
they live in a box
that they may never
be able to emerge from
i am true
and i am real
and i am fine with the fact
that you may not like me
because at least i know
that you don't like me
at least i know
that you like or don't like
the real me
i don't live in a box
it's not for me
if you do
and your little box
that gets ever smaller
is comfortable
by all means
stay there
i can respect that
i am no better
and i am no worse
i may just be
a little different than you
and there is nothing wrong with that
if you are suffering
in that little box
then i feel bad for that
you should not have
to live that way
too many people do
stuck in lives
that they can barely stand
caught in traps
that they can't imagine
how to escape from
it's not easy
to let go
i know
believe me
i know
we all know
nothing is easy
and the common
easy path
just gets harder
and harder
because it isn't real
it has now become
a horrifying game
i want to see us all
but i know
this wish cannot come true
but when i see you
the real you
the truth
my faith remains
that you and i
can get where we need to go
where we want to go
and see exactly where
we are
not expecting anything from tomorrow
or feeling suspect of the past
nothing will ever happen again
and we cannot predict
the future
i feel alive this way
no box for me
the lights are on
and i will fight
to keep seeing
right here
this moment
and every moment
that my lungs
draw breath
 and my heart
pumps blood.

Thursday, September 20, 2012


simple words
a feeling
washing over
but it's nothing like water
something is wrong
very wrong
and this feeling
could it be a warning?
or a sign
that things simply
aren't fitting into place
as they could be?
as they should be?
so much that is needed
and so painfully wanted
is missing
while so much useless garbage
is everywhere in this place
not just another rambling
about how unfair
how disturbing
life has become
but in it's way
a deep
desperate scream
for help
for change
change that seems
and feels
and just out of control
hands cannot grasp
these things
minds cannot change them
it won't go away
it just won't go away
until it just
come to me
i need you
sweet sanity.
faithful and true
i beg of this life
to give me
yet another
to find a way
to hold on
to move on
to get out
to get up
and take me
to wherever it may be
where my
make sense
and i can live
this static is too loud
and i am missing everything
because with the sound of static
comes the vision of white noise
the scent of burning wires
and the feeling of not belonging
inside my own skin
out there
my opportunity
to find my destiny
i must

Tuesday, September 18, 2012


our lives hang by threads
threads of all kinds
and they snap.
some of us fall
into the abyss
never to return
never to be seen
or heard
our lifeless bodies
sometimes viewed
then gone.
some threads are like
how they hold us up
for so long
is unbelievable
but eventually...
we drop down to lower levels
then resume climbing our way
back up another.
trying to hang on
it's hard
we all know
when we want to
and laugh
but we cannot
because our knuckles
are white
from gripping
so tightly
cannot smile
through some pain
so what do we do?
where do we go?
is this what we live for?
is it hope?
a dream of happiness
that we can never be sure of?
how can we even think about
what we want
what we need?
when it's so hard
to even move?
ups and downs
all the while
grasping to hold on
for our very lives
to a single thread.

Friday, September 14, 2012

mirrors and reflections.

i don't like to look
in the mirror
trying to see who i am
what i have become
i'll begin to speak
try to imagine how you might see me
wondering what you might assume
in my face
in my expressions
and how misunderstood
they may come across
or do you see something?
something i can't even relate to
or understand?
i can never figure out
how the mere image
and all that's going on inside
could possibly coincide
different reactions
do i have the same face?
do i even know how to smile
the way i want to smile at you?
i can't grasp it
and i am ugly
and i feel like i know it
all too well
i see a stranger
and even stranger
i've known this stranger
my entire life
i can't get around these things
do any of us look
how we feel?
does your image
make sense?
i can't figure it out
i never could
i wonder if i ever will
or does it mean anything at all?
these reflections
they don't seem to match up to me.
and this mystique,
it preys on my sanity at times
because i realize
that you see me
the same me
that i avoid looking at.
in fact...
you see this image
even more often than i do
what do you see?
i realize
that when i look at you
i too see simply an image
and that you too
may not feel as you look
and it's all a bit too much
so i try not to equate the two
our eyes deceive us
not only by what we see
but the way our own eyes
are seen
so as i stay away from these
literal visual self reflections
i believe it keeps me more...
if i don't know what i look like
i will not alter the way i express myself
into an untrue image
just to try to look better
or different
i want to be who i am.
i want you to see me as i am.
as purely as possible.
and this is why
i don't look at mirrors
anymore than
i have to.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

threshold of capabilities.

limits and boundaries
set within our
and unconscious minds
what can i do?
what have i done?
each experience
creates new capabilities
good and bad
helpful and harmful
new... skills
for lack of better terms
regardless of outcomes
be it pain
or joy
thinking about doing something
and seeing it through
are, of course,
very different
once we have taken something
that is not ours to take...
once we have stolen
we now have the ability
to steal
once we have cheated
we now have the skill
to cheat
once we have performed
before a group of people
we now are able to do it
no matter how hard it was
or what the result was
we have crossed
a threshold of capabilities
and our skillset is ever-growing
from the smallest of achievements
to the most undesirable of actions
until we are cut down
steal bread with your right hand,
get caught,
and have your right hand chopped off...
you will never steal bread
with your right hand again
but the ability to use your left
lesson learned
or not
it is now in your arsenal
because it isn't about thinking
it's about feeling
or the building of
self confidence
some would never do
what i've done
what you've done
but everyone
will do
what they will do
it's the same
of the threshold to cross
and the cross to bare
that comes along with it,
you and i will cross them.
in this way,
amongst so many others,
we are all the same.
all of us.
control is limited
because one thing
that will never change
is that things
and life
will always change
and even if we were
to stand completely still
our entire lives
we will cross thresholds
gain capabilities
there is no stopping it
refuse it or embrace it
doesn't matter...
except in one way:
we will be
more often than
or the other way around...
the question is
and always is:
what will we do
with these abilities
that we will acquire
whether we wish to
or not?
and although this would take
lifetimes to answer
as we live
in this here
and this now
it is shaping
the man
or woman
we aspire to be.
in this,
we do have choices
i try to choose as wisely as i can
but if i think too much
i will not live as much
by making decisions
about who i am
about who i wish to be
and living by them
it seems to help me
more often than not
keep my skills
my abilities
more within my grasp
as we constantly
and consistently
cross these
thresholds of capabilities.