Monday, November 18, 2013


i'm walking 
through walls
and trees
and through lives
and no one
is noticing
and it seems like
i've been at it
must have traveled
1000s of miles
but no
i haven't gone
just one big
and i'm here
thinking in
trying not to
speaking in
just  as i
am living
bursts of colors
and sounds
and as they
go straight though
i am left behind
never dreamed
it could get
any lonelier
but then again
how could i ever
who would ever
want to
follow or join me
and could they
if they tried
am i a ghost
or a
or neither
no one should
and no one
should care
i'm not here
i never was
there is nothing
to forget

Friday, November 15, 2013

sick days.

it's not
what you said
it's what you
now i sit here
in silent
but i hear things
this constant conversation
with myself
i'm talking to you
and you know
what i'm saying
but you never answer
through all the pain
and all of the
sick days
that should have made us
made us
i was lucky
to be with you
i loved you
i love you
and so
the dialog
never ends
i truly feel
like you can hear me
and sometimes
i know
you're thinking
about me
but still
you don't reply
i try
to convince myself
that your hatred
is just your fear
keeping you from me
i can't believe
that it's over
i won't
if you stretch out
your arms
if you smile
if you reach out to me
i will be there
and if you ask me
i will never
let go

Sunday, November 10, 2013

tears of a ghost.

i am trying to
your voice
your smile
your scent
but nothing's working
and even though
i am dying inside
it's not because
i don't love you
it's because i know
that you have forgotten
about me
i haven't heard from you
and i am in
but it's clear
and so
so obvious
that it isn't because
you're too busy
or that you are shy
it's because
you don't want
to talk to me
you don't want
anything to do
with me
and though it makes
perfect sense
i am not ready
to believe it
i am a fool
as i always was
and will always be
when it comes to you
and missing you
has become
a way of life
for me
and it still hurts
as much as ever
but it's ok
because even though
i could die with a smile
if it were in your arms
not hearing the truth
from your lips
keeps this love
and rather than fall
into the silent
of a true
final moment
i'd prefer to stay
in my fantasy of you
because at least there
i can hold you
in my arms

Sunday, November 3, 2013

hide and seek.

endless nights
all in my head
but it feels so real
i can tell myself
over and over
that it is not
it never helps
i am thrown
into darkness
and i can't find my way out
i cannot see
it's as if my eyes
are sown shut
who did this to me?
i did
it was me all along
i am running for my life
i turn a corner
and try to hide
but i am always found
there is never enough time
because i am chasing myself
like it's my shadow
catching up with me
there is no one else
the streets are empty
and i have never seen this city before
i am lost
but i keep running
somehow thinking
i can get away
but i'm never fast enough
no time to get tired
cannot give up
i run and run
hoping i won't get caught
before i wake up