damn tonight, damn this whole year.

i don't care who knows

and i don't care what anyone thinks

except a few

i've been to the edge

in fact...

i've fallen over

and been hanging

by breaking fingernails

only to either

crawl my way back onto the ledge

or be pulled back up

by someone i love

but

i don't want
or need
 your

sympathy

or even your empathy

i'm just saying

i've been there

turning 41 soon

started promising careers

that didn't work out

relationships

two marriages

one in young

crazy days

but there was love

then

one a bit later

and man...

did i love that gal...

but so what?
they are over now
and gone.

no more grandparents

no father

my mother

i love her

but she is struggling

a lot like i am

no one but a few

friends that are

as much my family

as anyone could be

like you

and you

i've made mistakes

and i do have regrets

but this is not the point...

when life is at it's peak

up or down

good or bad

we tend to live in the moment

as... i feel

it should be

but what do i know?

i'm just another

another broken down,

but still living, man

like so many of you

but i am not afraid

to let you know

to tell you more

than just the good

or cool things

i've done and seen

i've spent more time

on the floor

shattered

than i ever did standing

and it doesn't matter

because all attempts to reach out

are painful

and

because everyone has a life

with all it's failures

and troubles

i know this sounds

foolish

and feeble

but i don't care

it's how i feel

tonight

...

dodging bullets.

when we look

when we try to see

our lives

the ups

the downs

the in-betweens

the ruts

and those times

when we turn around

and the year has passed

it's all just an illusion

it's not real

you've seen it

the 40 year old man

or woman

who doesn't look it

then the 35 year old

who looks 50

but who's to say

what any age should "look" like?

cliches exist because we keep them alive

they are abstract

they can be applied

to so many situations

and seem so profound

that's why they are cliches

because they have lasted

through generations

of successes

and failures

but they are just words

nothing more

these

are

just

words

nothing more

crossroad after crossroad

we make choices

at times,

we don't even know it

but we do

survival

wishing for death

to come during your sleep tonight

is a survival tactic

to make you feel better

until tomorrow

to most of us

life is a fight

and we keep losing

and losing

but we live

and it seems

that the stronger our desire

to expire

the longer we are destined

to live on

funny, isn't it?

and then

we turn corners

we see a light

a way

an answer

to something

and time churns on

this roller coaster

will not stop

no matter what

while you and i breathe

and as easy as death can be

somehow

you and i

tonight

are alive

dodging bullets

of so many kinds

and

of course

it's not easy

not by any means

but we are here

so...

what do we do now?

...