wraithlike.

i'm walking 

through walls

and trees

and through lives

and no one

is noticing

and it seems like

i've been at it

forever

must have traveled

1000s of miles

but no

i haven't gone

anywhere

just one big

circle

and i'm here

again

thinking in

patterns

trying not to

speaking in

fragments

just  as i

am living

bursts of colors

and sounds

and as they

go straight though

i am left behind

never dreamed

it could get

any lonelier

but then again

how could i ever

who would ever

want to

follow or join me

and could they

if they tried

am i a ghost

or a

shadow

or neither

no one should

notice

and no one

should care

because

i'm not here

i never was

so

there is nothing

to forget

...

sick days.

it's not

what you said

it's what you

didn't

now i sit here

alone

in silent

darkness

but i hear things

this constant conversation

with myself

i'm talking to you

and you know

exactly

what i'm saying

but you never answer

through all the pain

and all of the

sick days

together

that should have made us

stronger

instead

made us

weak

i was lucky

to be with you

because

i loved you

because

i love you

and so

the dialog

never ends

sometimes

i truly feel

like you can hear me

and sometimes

i know

you're thinking

about me

but still

you don't reply

i try

to convince myself

that your hatred

is just your fear

keeping you from me

i can't believe

that it's over

forever

i won't

if you stretch out

your arms

if you smile

if you reach out to me

i will be there

and if you ask me

i will never

let go

...

tears of a ghost.

i am trying to

forget

your voice

your smile

your scent

but nothing's working

and even though

i am dying inside

it's not because

i don't love you

it's because i know

that you have forgotten

about me

i haven't heard from you

and i am in

denial

but it's clear

and so

so obvious

that it isn't because

you're too busy

or that you are shy

it's because

you don't want

to talk to me

you don't want

anything to do

with me

and though it makes

perfect sense

i am not ready

to believe it

i am a fool

as i always was

and will always be

when it comes to you

and missing you

has become

a way of life

for me

and it still hurts

as much as ever

but it's ok

because even though

i could die with a smile

if it were in your arms

not hearing the truth

from your lips

keeps this love

real

and rather than fall

into the silent

darkness

of a true

final moment

i'd prefer to stay

in my fantasy of you

because at least there

i can hold you

in my arms

again

...

hide and seek.

nightmares

endless nights

all in my head

but it feels so real

i can tell myself

over and over

that it is not

it never helps

i am thrown

into darkness

and i can't find my way out

i cannot see

it's as if my eyes

are sown shut

who did this to me?

i did

it was me all along

i am running for my life

i turn a corner

and try to hide

but i am always found

there is never enough time

because i am chasing myself

like it's my shadow

catching up with me

there is no one else

the streets are empty

and i have never seen this city before

i am lost

but i keep running

somehow thinking

i can get away

but i'm never fast enough

no time to get tired

cannot give up

i run and run

hoping i won't get caught

before i wake up

...