these games.

we play games.

we all do.

usually when we

want what we can't have right now

or are afraid

to simply

ask for.

so we provoke,

antagonize,

or try to bait out

certain responses

that will tell us

how much control we have.

but as in most games

typically

someone wins

and someone loses

and that makes us both

losers

and no better off

than we were.

can these games be

fun?

exciting?

interesting?

of course they can.

but...

is the winner's prize

worth it all though?

after pushing and pulling

prying and withdrawing...

what have we got?

what is left but a twisted image

created by thought-out strategies,

shortcuts

deception

and the traps set out

to misshape and mold

our "opponent" into

what we are wishing for?

false truths

that our denial lets us believe...

what do we win?

nothing.

all we've done is waste time

valuable time

lost.

so...

we can play

sometimes

but remember this:

each move that you feel

brings you closer

to an illusion of certainty

is one step further

away from me.

because

quite frankly,

i suck at games.

all these games.

no one wins.

everyone loses.

sure, i wanna know

i wanna try

but when fun-time is over

and the games end,

we never truly

get what we want.

never.

and now

i am realizing

that i am getting older

perhaps too old to be playing

these games.

and losing

has been taking it's toll

for far too long.

so, if you please,

i don't wanna play tonight,

thank you.