mirrors and reflections.

i don't like to look

in the mirror

trying to see who i am

what i have become

i'll begin to speak

try to imagine how you might see me

wondering what you might assume

in my face

in my expressions

and how misunderstood

they may come across

or do you see something?

something i can't even relate to

or understand?

i can never figure out

how the mere image

and all that's going on inside

could possibly coincide

different reactions

do i have the same face?

do i even know how to smile

the way i want to smile at you?

i can't grasp it

and i am ugly

and i feel like i know it

all too well

i see a stranger

and even stranger

i've known this stranger

my entire life

yet...

i can't get around these things

do any of us look

how we feel?

does your image

make sense?

again...

i can't figure it out

i never could

i wonder if i ever will

or does it mean anything at all?

these reflections

they don't seem to match up to me.

and this mystique,

it preys on my sanity at times

because i realize

that you see me

the same me

that i avoid looking at.

in fact...

you see this image

even more often than i do

what do you see?

i realize

that when i look at you

i too see simply an image

and that you too

may not feel as you look

and it's all a bit too much

so i try not to equate the two

our eyes deceive us

not only by what we see

but the way our own eyes

are seen

so as i stay away from these

literal visual self reflections

i believe it keeps me more...

real?

if i don't know what i look like

i will not alter the way i express myself

into an untrue image

just to try to look better

or different

i want to be who i am.

i want you to see me as i am.

as purely as possible.

and this is why

i don't look at mirrors

anymore than

i have to.