Friday, September 14, 2012

mirrors and reflections.

i don't like to look
in the mirror
trying to see who i am
what i have become
i'll begin to speak
try to imagine how you might see me
wondering what you might assume
in my face
in my expressions
and how misunderstood
they may come across
or do you see something?
something i can't even relate to
or understand?
i can never figure out
how the mere image
and all that's going on inside
could possibly coincide
different reactions
do i have the same face?
do i even know how to smile
the way i want to smile at you?
i can't grasp it
and i am ugly
and i feel like i know it
all too well
i see a stranger
and even stranger
i've known this stranger
my entire life
i can't get around these things
do any of us look
how we feel?
does your image
make sense?
i can't figure it out
i never could
i wonder if i ever will
or does it mean anything at all?
these reflections
they don't seem to match up to me.
and this mystique,
it preys on my sanity at times
because i realize
that you see me
the same me
that i avoid looking at.
in fact...
you see this image
even more often than i do
what do you see?
i realize
that when i look at you
i too see simply an image
and that you too
may not feel as you look
and it's all a bit too much
so i try not to equate the two
our eyes deceive us
not only by what we see
but the way our own eyes
are seen
so as i stay away from these
literal visual self reflections
i believe it keeps me more...
if i don't know what i look like
i will not alter the way i express myself
into an untrue image
just to try to look better
or different
i want to be who i am.
i want you to see me as i am.
as purely as possible.
and this is why
i don't look at mirrors
anymore than
i have to.

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